The only one thing that you asked for was for the garbage to be taken out. A little bit later you realize your partner failed to do it. When you ask why they didn’t do it, your partner says “I never heard you ask me”. Why are you not surprised that your partner failed to hear the one thing they needed done? This “selective hearing” is a common indication that communication is breaking down.
We normally view selective hearing as a negative, sort of like it’s a character defect. Accusing somebody of selective hearing is saying they weren’t listening to you. But it’s possible that the real cause behind your selective hearing may not be a short attention span, it may be the early stages of hearing loss.
What is selective hearing?
You’ve probably had at least one or more situations in your life where someone has accused you of not listening, even if no one specifically used the phrase “selective hearing”. When you miss all the things you don’t want to hear but hear everything else, that’s selective hearing. You hear the part about making a delicious meal but miss the part about cleaning up the dishes. That sort of thing.
As a behavior, selective hearing is incredibly common. However, most research points to males failing to hear their partners more frequently than women.
How individuals are socialized does give some context and it might be tempting to make some assumptions from this. But hearing health is likely another major component. Let’s say your “selective hearing” starts to become more prominent or more common. That could actually be an early indication of hearing loss.
Hearing loss can create gaps in communication
Communication will certainly be more difficult with undiagnosed hearing loss. You’re likely not shocked by that.
But here’s the thing: oftentimes, communication issues are an indication of hearing loss.
Symptoms can be really difficult to detect when hearing loss is in the early stages. Perhaps you start turning the volume on your tv up. You can’t quite hear what your friend is saying when you go out for a drink at your local pub. You most likely just presume it’s because of the loud music. And so, besides that, you could go through the majority of your daily life without even noticing the volume of the world around you. Your hearing can slowly decline because of this. Up to the time you’re having trouble following along with daily conversations, you almost don’t notice.
Your hearing health is worrying your partner
You will notice some of the people in your life are starting to be concerned. Yes, selective hearing is a fairly common aggravation (even more annoying when you already feel like no one listens to you). But as it happens more and more frequently, aggravation might turn to worry.
So, your partner may recommend you schedule a hearing exam to find out if something is wrong.
Your partner’s concern is significant and it’s important for you to recognize that. Have an open conversation and consider that they are coming from a place of caring and not just aggravation.
Early hearing loss has a few other signs
You should be aware of some of the other early warning signs of hearing loss if your selective hearing seems to be getting worse. Here are some of those signs:
- Trouble hearing in crowds
- Having to ask others to speak up or slow down
- Speech sounds distant or muffled
- Cranking the volume up on your mobile phone, television, or radio
- Having a tough time making out consonants
You should call us for a hearing test if you have any of these symptoms.
Use ear protection
It’s essential that you take steps to protect your ears so that you can prevent hearing loss. Minimize your exposure to noisy environments (or at least wear earmuffs or earplugs when you must be around noise). Hearing aids can also help you have more effective communication, which can smooth over many rough spots that your hearing loss may have caused in the first place.
A diminishing attention span will be responsible for most selective hearing incidents in your life. But when you (or somebody around you) notices your selective hearing becoming worse, you may want to take that as a sign that it’s time to have your hearing checked.
